Under pressure: How Societal Expectations are Stressing Us Out and What We Can Do About It

In this world, Societal pressure is not just a concept, especially is some African cultures where it is more like an Olympic sport. Depending on your background, from the minute you are born, expectations begin: be respectful, excel in school, marry at a certain age (this one is a real martial art), have children (and not just one child, but a whole basket ball team). It is almost as if your entire worth is determined by a checklist that society has drafted for you.

But while these pressures may stem from a place of cultural pride and tradition, they often take a toll on mental health. And no, it is not just about constant questions from aunties during family gatherings like "why are you net yet married"- it is about how these expectations shape our sense of self-worth and well-being.

Societal Pressure in African Cultures: A Double-Edged Sword

Social pressure is the influence that people feel from others in their social circle or society at large to act, think, or behave in a certain way.

African cultures are rich in values like community, respect, and tradition. It can encourage positive actions, like being kind or working hard, but it can also push individuals towards negative behaviors, such as conforming to harmful norms or engaging in risky activities just to fit in and these same values can sometime fuel unrealistic societal expectations. Here are a few examples that many can relate to;

1. The Mariage Deadline

• In many African communities, if you are single and approaching your late 20s (or God forbid, your 30s), the question starts and sometimes from your parents till your ancestors: " When are you bringing our future In Law home? And let's not forget the "the clock is ticking" speeches.
• This pressure often leads people to rush or stay into relationships that may not be healthy (I felt this one personally while editing), just to meet societal expectations.

2. The Career Obsession

• Growing up, it often feels like there are only four career paths: Doctor (that was my first choice), engineer, lawyer or the most important 'disgrace' to the family. Don't dare mention any artistic path otherwise you might give a heart attack to your parents.
• While the intention is to ensure stability, this narrow view ignores the fact that fulfillment and success can take many forms. Look at famous tiktokers and youtubers now.

3. Cultural Expectations of Perfection

• From excelling academically to maintaining this "perfect" family image, there is little room for vulnerability. Showing weakness can be seen as a failure, even though it is a natural part of being human. I don't remember how many times I have heard this " a real man does not cry" speech although I needed to cry all the tears of my body to feel better.

4. The Comparison and judgemental reaction

• As human beings, we always want to strive for excellence and for that we often need references or benchmarks for that. It can induce more motivation if we are compared to someone who excelled in a domain in order to achieve excellence (when I was a kid, they used to call me Samuel Eto'o but see me now writing articles about mental health). This can boost the performance but it can also set more pressure than the intention itself.
• Speeches like " why can't you perform like your friends?" or " at your age, lots of people already accomplished something in their lives, you are there sharing a bed with your siblings" tend to destroy the self-esteem of most people as they begin to focus on what they have not yet done and creating a feeling of emptiness and failure.

The Mental Health Impact of Societal Pressure

Mental stress does not just stay in your head but it manifests in your mind. Research has shown that societal expectations can lead to anxiety, depression, and even burnout. Here is how;

1. Internalized Stress

• A study by Wills et al. (2002) found that people who experience high societal pressure often internalize these expectations, leading to chronic stress. This is especially true in cultures where mental health is stigmatized, and seeking help is seen as a sign of weakness.
• In some African cultures, mental health is so undermined that talking about it can be subject to mockery and bullying by your close relatives. Sometimes they do not even care about what you say or they do not take it seriously enough. Do not even dare talking about seeing a specialist otherwise people might being scared and start thinking you are going mad.

2. Low Self-Esteem

• When you are constantly told you are "not good enough" or "why don't you behave like others?" because you are not married, in a stable relationship, do not yet have kids, have not bought a house, or do not have a high-paying job, it is easy to start doubting your worth and start making silly things just to catch up.
• Fun fact: Comparing your life to others on Tiktok or Instagram does not help either. It is like comparing everyday outfit with someone's carnival dress.

3. Shame and Silence

• In many African cultures, there is still stigma around discussing mental health. Instead of addressing issues like anxiety or depression, people are often told to "pray harder" (my mum will kill me if she reads this part), or "be strong". While spirituality can be helpful, it is not a substitute for mental health care.

My Personal Experience with Societal Pressure

After obtaining my Masters degree in Rural Socio-economics and Agricultural extension in University back in Cameroon, people were expecting me to become the next agronomist that would revolutionize agriculture in my country and end hunger or work in those big firms making billions because "all engineers" are obviously successful and rich. It was a huge shock when I instead decided to start my cooking business with my elder sister. People were like, "what a waste", "how can two smart people be selling food?", "why don't you find a job?" (I was like, uhm excuse me It is already a job I am doing). The truth is that I hated working in an office with fixed schedules with that feeling of "comfort" and boredom. The worse part was when I decided to pierce my ears and started braiding my hair. My family almost summoned an exorcist because it was clear to my mum that I was possessed by some evil spirits. My sister was told that " If he(me) fails his life, It will be completely your fault".

Nonetheless, she kept on believing in me along with my girlfriend and close friends at that time and I knew my worth. I kept on pushing and believed in my dreams to become a better version of myself. Staying positive while always trying to improve and stay authentic. That is how I managed to escape societal pressure.

How to manage Societal Pressure (and Protect your Mental Health)

If you are tired of living under the microscope of societal expectations, here are some strategies to help;

1. Redefine Success on Your Own Terms

• Success i snot just about meeting societal milestones but it is about finding purpose and fulfillment in what you do. Ask yourself: What does success mean to me?

2. Set Boundaries (Yes, Even with Mum, Dad and those very annoying and judgemental Aunties)

• Just be honest with yourself and with your relatives even from your parents/partner without trying to hurt their feelings. It is totally fine to say " Look Mum/Dad/Darling, I understand that you want the best for me but I am not ready or willing to follow the path you choose for me, I wish to do things in my own way even if i do errors, this is how i want to learn".
• It is okay to politely (or humorously) shut down intrusively questions. "No Aunty, I am not interested in marriage right now and I don't want to talk much about it"
• or " When are you having a kid?" you reply " When Michael Jackson will do the moonwalk forward".

3. Seek Support

• Surround yourself with people who support you unconditionally but who can also objectively tell you when they think you are wrong without imposing their ideas. This could be friends, family, or even a therapist.
• Fun fact: Therapy is not just for "western cultures". It is for anyone who wants to take care of their mental health.

4. Learn to say No

• Saying no does not make you selfish; it makes you human. Protect your time and energy by prioritizing what truly matters to you.
• Fun fact: People often say that I am stubborn because of that.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

• Be kind to yourself. You are doing your best, you are trying your best and at the end of the day it is only about you. Focus on building your mindset to be resilient and happy.

Humor: My Ultimate Coping Mechanism

Let's face it- Sometimes the only way to survive societal pressures is to laugh at it. If you don't laugh, you will cry, and crying in front of your extended family and colleagues during a meeting might just result in more unsolicited advice. Here are some tips to dodge those silly questions;

• " You are 35 and not yet married?" your answer " I am married with John Cena, but you can't see him"
• "Why are you not yet a doctor?" your answer " Aunty. I have been bitten by a vampire, I don't think it is a good idea to work with blood".
• "Why are you not with your girlfriend/boyfriend anymore?" your answer " I discovered he/she is a cyborg, weird isn't it?"

Humor helps put things into perspective and reminds us not to take life too seriously.

Conclusion

Societal pressure is real and its impact on mental health is not a joke. But by redefining success, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self care, we can navigate these pressures without losing ourselves in the process.

Remember: You are not your job title, your relationship status, or your ability to meet someone else's expectations. You are enough just as you are and your only enemy and ally is yourself.

And the next time someone asks, "When are you doing XYZ?" just smile and say "Did you read Phill Ngitte's article about peer pressure? No, then let me share you the link."

References:

• Adewuya, A. O., & Makanjuola, R. O. (2009). "Lay beliefs regarding causes of mental illness in Nigeria: Pattern and correlates." Social Psychatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology"
• Mentlat Helath Editorial team (2025), Medically reviewed by Nikki Ciletti, M.Ed, LPC and Dr. April Brewer, DBH, LPC
• Twenge, J. M., et al. (2018). "Social Media use and its link to mental health: A review." Current Psychiatry Reports.
• Wills, T. A., et al (2022). "The influence of cultural expectations on stress and mental health outcomes." Journal of cross-cultural psychology